We love our fathers so much even though they have weaknesses that they need to overcome. Everyone has a room for improvement and at times we commit mistakes that we don’t need intend to do or we intend to make. Like our fathers they have things that they are doing that they feel are right, but these are the common mistakes that they should learn from. There are actually negative impacts of them to their children. According to those people who have experienced firsthand these things, they have felt distanced from their own fathers. Learning these faults would guide new fathers, and those who are trying to be good fathers. This coming Father’s Day let’s share these mistakes so they can be corrected and they cannot be passed on from one generation or from family to family. These are actually shared by Wayne Parker at About.com.

10. Comparing your kids with others

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This is one of the hurtful comments that a child normally hears from a father or parents. Intentionally or unintentionally, it leaves hurtful mark to a son or daughter having a feeling that he or she is worthless and unwanted. If you want your child to behave the way you wanted it too. Say it in a manner that you don’t need to point out that this person is better than he or she does. Your child don’t need to hear praises to other kids, but what they want is your understanding and support that he or she can change without coercing them to do them by using other people as examples, but do not appear as examples at all that they have to follow. In addition, one of the observations that Wayne Parker observed is comparisons among siblings as to who excels in specific field. As he suggested try to see them as unique individuals and not on the things that cannot meet.

9. Monologue or Lecturing

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Much of the time the father’s motive is to help his children learn from their mistakes. Correcting them by telling them one by one all their setbacks would not help at all. As much as you wanted them to understand the way you see things they can’t see it nor understand them in the near future. Of course, all bad behavior and choices must be corrected, but there’s a proper way. Next time you sit with your child, ensure that you ask questions, and listen more. Try to understand first why the child had done this and that. After listening and seeing all angles, then help the child understand the principle why the specific choice was not right. This is the best teaching moment that you can give where understanding and love reign thereafter.

8. Guilt Trips

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Telling your kids that you have sacrificed a lot for them so they can have the best of education and comfortable life would not help at all. Repeating the same lines or same thought would not teach any valuable lesson to them, but what you inculcate to them is that they have to do this because you have done everything you could. When you see mistake correct them right away, if necessary give punishment, instead of putting excessive guilt trips, which are not really effective at all in disciplining them.

7. Not Firm in Decisions

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There are fathers because of their love towards their children, they are afraid to give punishment even if the mistakes committed are in extremes and have been done repeatedly. Once you’ve made rules and decisions, you have to follow them. Later on, if you keep on bending the rules that you have set to them, they will later on disregard it. They would think that your heart would be softened later on since you have shown it from the very beginning.

6. Not Uniform With Spouse’s Decision

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This is not just a mistake of a father, but both parents. Before you implement or give specific punishment, make sure that both of you have agreed on it before hand. If you have not yet talked about it, be sure that you have an open communication. It will create confusion to your kids. They would not know who to follow if its father’s rules or mothers’. In patriarchal family, father must have the final word, this would result not just confusion, it would even destroy credibility of one parent when it comes to disciplinary action that must be implemented at home. As a father, you have the responsibility to talk everything’s out to your spouse in a private room so both of you are coherent and in harmony.

5. Unfair Penalties

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At times, fathers because of emotional outburst if there are things that they done which do not see to be big mistakes, but do not meet your expectations, you tend to give punishment which is not just at all to your kids. There are common mistakes that are obviously wrong, that deserve punishment, but don’t give punishment just because you are not in the mood or you are trying to vent out your frustration to something which was not fault at all by your kids. Be considerate and hold your temper instead of giving unrelated punishment to wrong which was not really wrong at all.

4. Bribery to Behave

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This is actually common. Although mothers are the ones who usually give bribe to kids especially if they are not behaving the way that they should be. Fathers also give bribe in order for them to follow their rules. Giving instant rewards in exchange of something like doing their assignment or whatnot does not teach a child a principle that they need to follow or obey certain rules because that would make them better. If you would inculcate to them the reasons and explaining the why’s they will follow without giving prices in each thing that they do.

3. Inconsistency in Giving Disciplines

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Once you give rules at home, you should stick to it. Just like one of the mistakes mentioned on this list, you should not bend it. The next time you find yourself in a situation that you caught your daughter or son doing the same mistake, impose, and implement the consequence that you have stated so they will learn from it and they will not do it again.

2. Physical Punishment

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This one of the common punishments being given by fathers. In fact, they are known as authoritative and bold compared to mothers that are soft-hearted, which is totally understandable. Mothers have soft spot to their children since they are the one who carried them to their wombs for 9 months. It does not mean that fathers do not have a soft spot in their heart in giving punishment, but excessive physical discipline that at times becomes physical torture would create anguish, anger, and distance to your kids. There are situations that you can do it, but not too often. Later on, they would not be afraid at all to commit mistakes because they become used to it.

1. No Temper

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It is really tempting to lose temper to kids especially if it becomes habitual. However, don’t give punishment if you are angry. You may commit mistakes that you would regret for the rest of your life. There are things that we can’t control especially if we are at the peak of our emotion. In fact, you could even curse your kid, shout at them unintentionally and even physically beat or spank them. It’s wise that you go out in the situation, take a deep breath, and relax. Cool yourself down until you feel that you can think and speak calmly. Children will not respond the way you want them to, but if they will it’s all because of fear instead of obeying because they respect you.